What does that Look like to you

So 2am...and I'm still up...It appears to be like spring semester of last year...But I would stay up late talking to him. Now for this past week I have been staying up just thinking about him....And well talking... But mainly thinking. Why can't he leave my mind? I do care about him. I really do... I try to convince myself that I don't but thats like lying to myself...and well I can lie to myself really well-but it's getting old. What is the purpose of this? I know God made it so clear to me this summer that He isn't the one for me. Why would he allow someone so great come in to my life otherwise? I was sure that it was to show me that I deserve better- and that it's out there... And I'm being patient...shoot I'm 19, and way to Independent to be in a relationship right now-- So why are these feelings comming back?

I've been so emotional lately...Why do I cry so much and not know why? uh. I can't believe I still deal with this. Maybe one day I'll understand. One thing that still remains in my life that is constant is the Faith that I have. My actions may not be well with what they should be or my words/emotions...But my Faith has always been so pure and huge in my life.
'I love You fervently and devotedly, O Lord, my Strength. The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God, my keen and firm Strength in Whom I will trust and take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my High Tower.' Ps 18:1-2

'May God Bless you and keep you, may he make his light to shine upon you, and bring you his peace and understanding.'-Words of my Dad in a letter.