One Day At A Time

One day at a time I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time well I know I will carry on
One day at a time I can see you took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along

All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will
To understand this plan you have for me, for me

I've been shut up shut down held out held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out broken torn out torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel your fullness in my life

one day at a time

One day at a time I will take these words you've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing you
One day at a time I will share this gift you've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through

And all I know is that I see
How much my heart is longing to be cradled by your side
Yeah, I'll give all I can
To one day soon be held by your hand, by your hand

--Jeremy Camp

NC

I'm really glad that I am going back to New Community this year for Church. Pastor Peter is so good. The teaching there is so full and rich....and well it's learning...it's stuff that isn't just for Sunday. It's challenging. and it's for Life.
Last year for church well where I went was good for me at the time...because I didn't need to be taught.... I really just needed the community that I had there. But this is so great now.
And I Love going with Kara....Because well she is so great. And So Real...And so Honest...and well just so Cool.

I don't want to intimidate people by the way that I have changed. Or the way that I am living now. When I was talking to Meghan the other day I was thinking about that. I don't want that to change our relationship in a negative way. I know it won't when it comes to our relationship. But I don't want intimidation or other things to be there. I know that being controlled isn't something that is gonna happen. And well falling at every lift isn't gonna happen either.
But I'm glad that she is around...and time allowing I hope to hang out with her a lot. Cuz well she is So Great. And I still believe that. I think she is greater now than when I left before. Okay things were weird...and I got hurt. But Suck it up! lol. What we have is hopefully Awesome.

Week 2....Make it Rain!

Soul Revolution

I'm reading this book called Soul Revolution by John Burke. Well I have been reading it for like a year now. ha But I never got all the way through the first chapter because this book calls for honesty...and willingness to change or question I guess. And well until Now I haven't been willing to do that. Or considered...or wanted to...or I guess I didn't even know where to Start. But anyways this book is so good to me right now. I thought this book sucked until last night. Ha. It raises this question though. And well ask it to yourself. I don't know what it exactly looks like to you.

"What if life's deepest longing, sewn into the fabric of our souls, is to express and experience the love of the greatest, most beautiful, knowledgeable, caring being in the universe? To do life with the one who loves you more than any other?"- J. Burke.

I just want to write about so many thoughts right now...But time will not allow it.

Here is one thought though. My parents...
Their 20th wedding anniversary is coming up and I have never seen Love between them like I have these say past 3 months. I have actually never really seen Love between them. But This summer I saw them Love each other more everyday. They put up with a lot of crap between each other. But they are both growing in Christ, and with each other. I mean I have been blind to Love...well a lot. So maybe I just didn't see it before. I mean my Mom sticking with my Dad for all this time has been Love...and my Dad sticking with my Mom during other times...well that is Love too. But I really am happy for them, and So grateful that God has given me a picture of what Love is between my parents. He has blessed me with seeing Love between other great people...My grandparents being one...and well other peoples parents like Meghans, Dinks and then of course with SuAnne and Dave, and Julie and D. So it's not like I haven't ever seen Love between two people like that. It's just more personal now.
And even when it comes to me. This summer people loved me. Not like a cocky way...but like people showed me Love...and I got to experience that. And I also had people who well suck at showing Love...or are clueless as to what my Love languages are. So that's like effed up. But I well it's Love!

--And I'm super frustrated with my roommate

So Old

Last night I went to a party...The freshman were there too. The other girls were trying to get them to drink...I'm glad I went cuz they saw someone at the party who didn't have to drink. So that was good. But that scene is so old. There is another party tonight...and those girls are gonna go again and I want to go just so they don't feel the pressure to drink...But It's so lame. I would rather sit at my apartment and do homework by myself...and watch TV. lol. but oh well.
-Those people just annoy me now. What they do isn't fun. Binge drinking...REALLY! I mean when I'm 21 I will drink because I just want to have a drink cuz it tastes good. But getting trashed isn't fun. Eh. so weird.

I was sitting outside helwig today...and I saw Meghan. That was nice just to give her a hug and see her. It's been awhile. We are supposed to go out for coffee today...Hope it happens. Cuz I plan on it. And I'm excited. I have a lot of things that I want to say but I'm curious to hear what she wants to talk about. I used to be really excited to see as to where God was taking our relationship...but now I don't really care. I'm kind of just over it. Well I tell myself that. But I am prolly not. I'm a lot different now...So I don't know what we will have in common. She prolly won't even like me anymore..ha. Oh well. I'm fine. God will provide. and I trust in that.

1 John 4:16

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

AMEN!

You're coming back...You just don't know it

Kara decided not to play soccer with us this year because she wasn't gonna be able to put 100% is soccer and Worship team at the same time...and well she came to school here for Worship. I totally understand her reasoning and where she is coming from. She was just so good...and one of the best assets to our team this year. But it's okay. Tonight on the bus though I really wish she would have been there. But I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to get to know her last semester and the beginning of this year. She is so great. Definitely an awesome friend...and someone that I need right now. God is providing in that category in a way that I would have never imagined. I love the people that I am around....well the opportunities that he has given me to make new friends is amazing.
Playing Eucher with Kara, Sarah, and Emily last night was so fun.

Tonight we went to Benedictine and won 5-0...it was just an exhibition game...and well if my job could be that easy all of the time...well that would be awesome. I really like the community on the team. I just hope it's a good year on the record side as well.

Meghan texted me tonight about hanging out. I was surprised. I really am trying not to bend at her every move. I get walked all over in these situations too much...and it's because I put in too much...and I don't get back...It has to be GIVE and TAKE. And I learned a lot about that this summer. And this thought is done. lol. I don't know where I was going with that at all.

I am having my team meeting at my apartment Sunday for YoungLife. Still discussing with God about what the 'win' is going to be. I'm excited to see what he has up his sleeve.

Raised $234 for Pastor James this summer. My tithe equaled $150...so that was good. My dad informed me that when he asked Pastor how he was doing he was talking about his car and how he didn't have any idea how he was gonna come up with $180 to get it back on the road....So Praise God for blessing the group of girls with that money to give to him. And he is going to take food to Omar. Uh. LOVE! God is so Good. I pray that he continues to bless Pastor James for all of the amazing work that he does.

I have so many things I could ramble about...but I'm tired. Having my own Washer and Dryer that I don't have to pay for is making me smile REAL big right now though.
Oh Donte texted me today. I'm really glad that he isn't around here anymore. I know that I would try not to go over there...but this is even better. I have this opportunity...and I'm taking it!

It's a new year...

Collegelife last night was really good. Pastor Judy...wow. I really want to take advantage of her office hours this year.

-She talked about how as Christians we become tourists when it comes to following Jesus.
We take pictures...visit...have a good time. But we don't stay.
--In my relationship with Christ I cannot stay where I am and hope to grow. I can't settle. I have to ALLOW my life to be transformed.
--In my Faith I need to be dissatisfied. No one moves on if they are satisfied. When we are dissatisfied we satisfy ourselves with earthly things and we become numb to that dissatisfaction. I Partied more when I was dissatisfied. And that is how I lived my life last year.
--In my Faith I have to have a Longing. I have to be in a state for longing for something better.
This year..and forever... I need to live in a way that people will Long for it!
I need to live in such a way that people will Long for something Better

*I No longer want to be who I was.
Jesus calls us to Life & and Life abundantly.

+The one calling you away from what you know is Good+

What is it that I feel God wants done...

I just got on facebook and this was in my inbox...
Hello girls!
I was sitting in Church today, and we were talking about being in a community of fellow christ followers, and people to help hold you accountable. I couldn't help feeling relieved Friday in the car with AJ, Lauren, and Kara when I could not feel awkward playing the Christian radio station, and it was uplifting just having and hearing conversations regarding faith and where you thought God was leading you in your lives.
Well the reason I'm writing is... remember during the 3min talking circle, where I said I STILL struggle with the girl I was and the woman I am trying to be? Well keep this between us.... but when I hang around people like Gina and Hunter it is easy for me to going back to acting in a way that I know is reverting me back to the sinful ways I used to follow. I can start to talk negatively about people, and seem to condone behaviors that are not healthy or uplifting. So I guess the purpose of this message is that after this weekend with you all, and the message in Church today, I think I really felt God was trying to tell me that in order to BE who I want to become, I have to hang around people who are LIKE what I want to become. SO I guess what I'm rambling about is.... I am asking that you guys help hold me accountable. I'm not really sure what that means, maybe you can help me figure out what that means.... the only thing i DO know, is that I need it. I need more people like you guys in my life.

And if you tell anyone I got sentimental I will kill you.

That is from one of my Teammates Stephanie. Someone that I have admired since coming here my freshman year. I think it is kind of funny that she sent this because this is the exact same way that I felt about the car ride and just other things that are included in this. I'm really excited to see where God is going to take this. --SO that was just a lil' side note... now to what is on my mind.

I just met with Elvin(my area Director). He is such a great man. We just talked about getting into Von Steuben..and if it would be cool if all of the leaders from North Park that we get... become apart of my team. And then we talked about okay...when we get these leaders how am I gonna get them kids. He wants each leader..including myself...to be connected with 3 kids. So each leader will be intentional with those three kids. So if I have 6 leaders on my team..and then me that is 21 kids that we are directly connected to. Not just oh we know these kids, but we are taking these kids out...Praying for them, Playing with them, and Paying for them. Then each of those kids are prolly apart of a friend group that has 10 kids. So that is 3o kids a leader and well you do the math...that's Club... Bringing all those kids together and presenting them the Gospel.

-So now what Elvin wants me to do is come up with a vision for Von. What is Von's win gonna be? I don't know what that is going to look like, but God does...so I definitely need to pray about this. I don't even know what direction to go towards. My first goal/Vision is each leader get 3 kids. Maybe that is my win for this year... I don't know yet. Maybe the win is each of those 3 kids make it to camp next summer...I don't know..it's all God on this. I just have to listen.
-The second thing that I have to come up with is what do I want my cap on leaders to be. We get too many leaders and I am not able to help them out the way that they need to be helped. I don't get enough and well my platter will be way way full. Right now I'm thinking 7 is a good cap. But then again God prolly has more in mind cuz I'm just thinking that number cuz well getting 7 is gonna be hard. But God is big....WAY big. So we will see. I do have a lot of praying to do. And a lot of relying to do. And well it's all about Faith.

Go back to Mark 9---Showing compassion to these kids and why we do what we do.

It's Hard to Understand

So when I was getting ready to move in I was thinking, ' Oh my Gosh the first thing I want to do is see Meghan...and Just give her a hug...cuz that is all that there would be time for.'... A week later...I still haven't seen her. I don't understand this. It's not Love. I know what Love doesn't look like. And I have an Idea of what it does look like because I have experienced it...I haven't grasped the full meaning or understood what the full meaning of Love looks like....But I KNOW this isn't a way to Love someone.
Just 2min. People have time for that when they Love someone... People take advantage of the time that they have with someone way to much...I have Meghan here and I can't see her...I would give anything to have someone else here that I could see for even just 2 minutes.

We had a 'Retreat' thing last night at coaches house...We just hung out and stuff. It was fun. I really like the new girls. And having Stephanie around is so great. She has changed and I see that in her. I'm excited for her and Chris' wedding. She is so happy with him...and that is Awesome. *a Community of Christ*

Last night Katie had us as a team sit in a circle and each person got 3 minutes (would have been 5 but we had a time issue) to just talk. That person had the floor and had to talk the whole time. They could talk about anything. Themselves, their family, what home is like...anything--no rules for that person besides taking up the whole time. It was really good. We learned a lot about each other..and you would be surprised as to what comes out of your mouth. This is definitely an activity that I am going to use with the team that I coach as well as with Small groups with Young Life and with leaders and everything. So thank you Katie for that.

I am praying that Community is something that I develop. I have one...but I want to develop one that I am more comfortable in. Well more Christ centered. But he is doing great things...I Know it.

The Faith in myself is growing daily.

The first FULL day...

Uh...This is so hard...but in a weird way. I just want to sit here in my living room (like I am now) all by myself ALL the time. I don't want to be here...But that is okay. I didn't think it was gonna be hard with the team...but tonight all they started to talk about was partying and sex and stuff...and I just felt so uncomfortable. But it's okay... I am not in this alone. My greatest strength is so much greater than Christs weakness. And that is so comforting to me!

We are running a mile in the morning....This will be interesting.. I have so much to say but I'm SOOOO tired....
So GoodNight.