...comes and goes

I Love You....and I don't think that I could ever tell you that enough.


I really enjoyed my 2 extra weeks in Chicago. I have been blessed with great people in my life and I could never thank those people enough for everything that they do. I got closer to people that I never would have thought of being close with. I will be back to visit next Sunday with my Dad. I'm really excited. And well I have to fulfill Kelsey's bet...So I also need to make a trip up over the 4th of July. But that's okay. I'm fine with that.


This weekend was so great. I Loved hanging out with Leann. She is so great. Just being able to be ourselves with e/o is so fun! I'm really glad that I got to meet her family. It was so relaxing...and uh so great! I couldn't have chosen anything that I would have rather done.


I Love driving. I just got to think about everything last night. Before getting home I stopped by to see Derek at a Bonfire. That was interesting. And well we will see what happens with this. I don't want a boyfriend right now so that works good I think. I am not ready...and I'm glad that I can see that.


I know what I want...But obtaining it isn't in my power. Please help me. I try so hard....and the trying has to stop. More of you and less of me.

I'm Leavin

Spending hours with Rod and Batch last night really wasn't how I wanted to spend it. ha. Oh well. I should know that things like that take HOURS.


Had a really good talk last night before bed.


I'm leaving Chicago in the morning. 7:30 to be exact. It's weird because I don't have the desire to go home at all. There are some people that I want to see... but besides that.


I'm so blessed.

19

I don't know what to say here on this blank page. I have things to say...but how do you say them. I'm back to where I started. That can be okay though. I think I'm okay with that. I can try harder. I will. And we will see.

I just wrote him telling him how I feel. And well I don't care what he thinks. This is the first time I'm alright with it. It feels great. I feel Great. It's like a weight has been lifted off. I still have things that I need to deal with but this is no longer one of them.


Derek is back home. That excites me. This summer will be interesting. Talking about this situation with Batch the other day made me realize what is about to happen. ha. It is kind of funny to me. Derek is great. And I can't wait to just hang out and do nothing and have the best time ever...and not have to try at it at all. There is no trying with him. And if I did have to try...he is worth trying for. He's my best friend, and I love him for that.
Thanks Derek.


Infatuated....Maybe I am.... but that sounds creepy to me. I just care....and you ask why I care so much--couldn't tell you the answer to that.....do you have to have a reason to care so much. No one has ever asked why I care about Lauren so much....except Lauren...but she has the right to ask...and I have the right to give her an answer to that question...


One more week...Then things will change. Well for 2 in a half months....then we will see where that takes us.

...We will see how this last week goes

Gone...

Mike is Gone...

So Happy that is over...

Thank You!

It's Over

What an interesting year to say the least.
It was different. Definitely a weak year for me. But that is okay. Summer is here....
Time to whip myself back into shape (in so many aspects).

Today was so good. I'm really happy for all of those that graduated. Said goodbye to some people that really made an impact on my life these past 2 years. Held back the tears til later though...so that was good.

Meghan's party was great. I'm really happy for her. This next inning of her life will be good. Full of blessings. And I'm excited for her. I don't know where it will lead us, but I'm okay with that. I'm over myself. Over the fact that I could get hurt. I won't. and it wouldn't be by anything that she has done....I just have that problem.
And I trust that. It's all in God's plan. I'm fine with what she thinks, and I'm fine with telling her things. I can't let her get the short end of the stick on this one...and that's what I do. I have to take advantage of this time that we have together...However long that may be> I don't know. But God is so good...and he always has been. I mean he brought you into my life, something that I could not thank him for....So what he does with that, I could never thank him enough for.

Mike today...


Summer is here...and I'm not at home. I like that though. Right now everything that I need is right here. I have a job, a place to work out, and good people. What else do I need until the end of the month? Nothing. These next 2 weeks will be interesting though. ha. Kind of makes me laugh. Who would have thought? Not me...

It was Great seeing you today

.

Why do I care so much

I can't tell you.
I feel bad



I'm done...

Closing that up again

Time running out

I enjoy hanging out with you more than anything.


Two people who I wanted to spend quality time with....

Crossed the second person off tonight..

that doesn't mean that quality time is something that I don't want to spend with you anymore....
It just had to be done before May 9th.


Tonight was so great. I Love it.



Secretly I want to hang out with you all of the time.

Sorry if I don't show that.

Mike is here in a week....I will need you after talking to him

Bored

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
On my back....From a girls cleat in soccer

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Bob Marley is the only thing still up...everything else is in boxes.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Drool! lol. But I do that all of the time. I have no control over it sometimes.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Good question...

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
6:59am

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
this pain to go away!

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
alot of things. hmm... prolly Omar the most right now...Jamaica is too far

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
I have no clue...
9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'1" and 3/4's lol

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
no

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
yes

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Elvin today at starbucks....I cray daily. lol

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
What God will do with me

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
I provide myself with my own energy. lol. But prolly coffee...but it can't taste like coffee. ha

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Mushrooms

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A PIZZA!! it's freakin' pizza Thursday

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Orange

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
yes

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
I was pretty stoked when my grandparents got me a basketball hoop when I was young

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
You could call it that

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
probably...lol or just broken jointed

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
FREE lol
I like things from Old Navy though alot.

25. WHO IS YOUR FAV FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
Prolly Beyonce...

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
yes

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
Dogs and Cats

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
yea I've done it before

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
24

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see."

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Jamaica

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
yes

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I don't know how to describe them...you prolly know them better than I do

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
yes

37. FIRST JOB?
Coaching a U12 boys soccer team

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Welcome to my life. lol

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Yea..

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Trying to sleep....

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
yeah

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
ha well comments about my big ole' boody...not compliments lol...Recently the softness of my arms... smelling good...lol. I don't shower that much so thats weird.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I couldn't tell ya...

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
2...I have always thought about names....but I want my husbands input lol.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My middle name kind of

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
A lot of things...

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
My friends...School Dances...Lockers...Passing period....Lunch...SO MUCH!! I liked HS alot.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
It changes...my mom buys my shampoo for me lol.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkey

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Oh yeah

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
I can be....

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yeah

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Honestly...yeah lol.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Working out....saying a few choice words in the moment... hitting my hands together...Crying...Journaling

58. WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
Either way I would be un healthy... if I grew like 6 inches maybe gaining would be okay...

59. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
Become more like Jesus everyday

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
ADD...I Loved my Bike...but thats not really a toy...I had this plastic guitar that I loved...and this horse thing that I could ride.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
I'm not going to count them....

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Yeah...my mom used to by the videos for me!

63. Do you use sarcasm?
Yeah

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mac and Cheese

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
AJay, Lil' Age, Age, Cutter, Ash

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Flying

68. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS?
Friends, Grey's, One Tree Hill, That 70's Show

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Praying for them I guess...and Loving them...

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Mint Chocolate Chip....or adding peanut butter to my ice cream

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
yeah lol

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
ya

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Hopefully falling asleep sometime soon

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Prolly somewhere close to the people that I love....and Jamaica will always be Home

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
The birds outside...They make me happy

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Pineapple Juice

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Kara

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Dance and sing in my room like a maniac.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
uhhhh

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Autumn...for many reasons

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
swedish fish and DARK CHOCOLATE

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Yeah

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Brown

86. EYE COLOR?
brown

87. SHOE SIZE?
8

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Panera and Taco Bell

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Fiesta Ranchero and Old Chicago...and prolly Steak and Shake

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yes..Had it tonight!

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Bulls game in Helwig

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
hmmm... prolly Thanksgiving

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
yeah...the guitar and the Saxaphone

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
mainly Republican...but I can go either way

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Hugs

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Ha....relationships

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Gas...lol

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
Yes

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Soul Revolution

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
Learning how to Love everyday...thats all I can say about that

Words

I have a lot of things on my mind...

I met with Elvin today about YoungLife. He loves what I'm doing. He oozes Jesus, and I love it. Having coffee with him today was so good for me. He wants me to teach a seminar in the fall. He asked me what I think I could teach about; something that I'm good at, passionate about, and think that I could clearly teach/ inform other people about. Wow. Weird. Who would have ever thought I would be doing this. He said such great things about me today that just uh. make me cry. He was describing my gifts and how great I am and what he see's for me... And that was something that I needed today.

So I told him Outreach is something that I am really passionate about. Meeting kids where they are at. I've learned alot about that, and have been doing it for a long time...even right now...but it's more challenging now. We will see. I have alot of things to pray about this summer for what should go on in the Fall. Lets just say God is so great. Telling Elvin today that I shouldn't take kids to camp was hard...but at the same time so easy, and I feel so good about it. What I'm doing with the Von kids is so much more effective and he assured me of that. He just wanted to hear stories about the girls. He is so great. He truly cares about what I am doing...and how I am doing...and how he can help me be more effective. What a great area director.


Going off of that...the extra time that I get to spend with the team..I'm so blessed for that. I not only need to stay...but after today I really want to stay. And the team expects that from me. And well so does mr.erikson. lol. But it's great. I care about those girls..and I can't just leave them hanging at the most important part of their season.


And staying also means maybe hanging out with you a few times.


Talking to you makes me so happy....and spending little bits of time with you is like one of my favorite things. I still am hesitant about things with you...cuz it scares me. I know God has a plan...and if things fall apart thats for a reason. But that's hard for me. And you know that. And I know that I shouldn't care about that. But its hard.
-I pray that you are doing really well. I pray that God uses you in extroardinary ways.



Not having class is great....spending time with great people....Had 2 people on my list to spend quality time with...and I knocked one off the list the last night...So Great!