blog for L.A.

http://hbrws11one.blogspot.com/

I'ma take it from here

I like forgot that this thing existed. I have become so busy that there is no time. I'm addicted to being busy and it's a problem...But I'm working/dealing with it. There is so much on my mind...but I'm just gonna hit a few thoughts I guess. 

I can't focus on anything and it's been like this for a couple of weeks. I realized today that this is reflecting my relationship with God. I can't focus on Him either...and it is eating at me. I know that it is happening now, so I can be more conscious about it. I have just allowed so many thoughts to clog up my mind that it is just way to overwhelming and I have not released them at all. I don't think I have ever had so much on my mind at one time. The ADD has kicked in big time. Someone will be talking to me and the thoughts are just going, and then someone will say something and my attention is just completely taken away. This is not normal for me at all. And I don't like talking about the stuff because I don't want to be a burden...But I think that I have gotten to the point where I just really need to get over myself and do it. I have the greatest friends. And I know that Kara wants to hear it, but sometimes I feel like I over power that and then she feels like she can't tell me anything. It is so easy for me to say that I don't need her...But Intentional Community---I do need her. And she needs me--I think the hardest thing is to remember that she needs me. I'm way to hard on myself...and I don't give myself the credit that I deserve I guess.

One thing that has really been great this past week is that Marijke gave me this little notebook-and what I am supposed to do is write down my blessings from the day. So it's a book full of blessings. It seems so simple...But it is so great.It makes you think of God all day because you are continually thinking about things that are blessing you throughout the day and then you write them down. Then before bed I look at what I had been blessed by though out the day, and then Give God Praise for what he has done for me in that day. The book in itself is such a blessing.

I Love questions. I really enjoy asking them. I wish I was asked questions more often besides questions that are raised in my classes. But my discipleship class is really good for me in this category. Last week here are some that arose.
This has to deal with what is under the surface
-What lies beneath for you? Do you know what is under the deepest layers of your foundation? What words or phrases come to mind when you think of the space in your life beneath the foundation?--Recall a moment or season when you lived deep in the knowledge by Acquaintance(heart knowledge) vs. the knowledge by description. Describe this moment.

One day we talked about Authentic Identity. Did you know that out of all of creation, humans are the only thing that has a problem with identity. All of creation knows what it is or where it's identity lies except humans. We talked about unmasking our False selves...These are like perfection, busyness (mine), strength (mine), pleasing others, Expectations (mine)...--So we went on to talk about finding our TRUE self. and knowing these things are really hard for me.
1. Knowing yourself as deeply Loved.
2.Knowing yourself as truly accepted.
3. Knowing yourself as Unique.
So now the questions:
What parts of yourself do you need to accept? is there any self-hatred at work inside of you? Is there a word of phrase that uniquely describes who you are? What might God be trying to utter from your unique life?
^Discussion by G.Olson.
--So now I sit with these questions....and I ask God to Reveal to me my authentic Self--


There are other things on my mind...But I'll talk about them later..I need to finish reading and go to bed.
IRIE

Make way for the positive day

I need to update this more than I do...I kind of just lost interest.
A lot of things are going on right now. But really it's all good.
My knee is hopefully getting better....and well when I get back from Spring Break they say they are going to Inject it...hmmmm whatever that means. But I hope it makes it all better.

I have the greatest friends I could ask for though...That is for sure. I have never had community like this...EVER... and I don't know what to do with myself. I know that I need to keep being intentional..and when I get tired of being Intentional..then Keep it going. Kind of like when I'm working out-get really tired...and then some. This is what is well for me. For so long I have been thinking about what is well for others....which is how I should live I know- But it got to the point where I had forgotten what is well for myself. And I know that is this...Now then is that being intentional with these people to the point that I live with them...I think so...but I'm praying about it.

I Miss Katie so much right now...Some stuff is going on with the soccer team right now...and it's just really STUPID! Hunter told me last night that I'm tearing the team apart. 1. she doesn't go here 2. It's not even season!
This all would be so much easier if Katie was here. And well I Love her so much! But I hope that everything is well for her in Martinique.

+Kelsey and I had a really great time together last night. We just talked-and well it was really good because I learned a lot about her...and she learned some things about me. I know that where she is at in her Faith is not that great of a place...but it makes me excited.

The sun is shining...Second day in a row. All Smiles about it right here. It is a beautiful day...and I have so many reasons to be thankful for this day! God is so indescribably good. And people can be so Evil. But where do I find my Joy and Comfort?

Always Love-Never Forget

Yesterday 5 years ago, 2 of my friends died in a car accident. (Ali & Mary)
So yesterday was kind of hard for a few reasons.
Feb, 19, 2005 I was a Sophomore in High School. On this day for Young Life we went on a ski/snow tubing trip to Snow Star in the Quad Cities. It was a great day. On that day I officially met Ali and Mary. I had known them before. We had worked together when as an area we were trying to come up with things for the banquet, and they had gone to camp the year before. On that day I remember joking around with Ali. I remember talking with her about being 'Great new friends.' It was really cool and I was excited. I was really looking forward to playing soccer against her now, cuz well we were friends. It was going to be more on the field than, 'oh I know her from young life.'
We were all leaving, and packed up into our vans/cars. The weather was starting to get bad. And Steve's car was following us, but we were leaving a lot of distance between the vans because of the drifting that was going on. Then we got a phone call to pull over at the next rest stop. Something had happened to one of the vans. It flipped. We were told that some of the girls had to go to the hospital, but they didn't tell us who. I knew all of the girls in that van, some A LOT more than others, and some well....we just became new friends.
The next morning.......we heard that Ali and Mary had died.

Yesterday was a time of prayer. Prayer because of those two 16 year old girls.
Steve-the driver. I still can't imagine the things that go through his head to this day. As a Young Life leader, and every time I drive for YL I get nervous. Because what happened is very real.
Families- 5 years.....And they still remain 16. They were only meant to live to be 16.
Friends- Coping.....Healthy-Not so Healthy.
Scott- As an area director...how does he handle this.
Me-Where does my theology fit in. First time death was real.....

I talked to my Dad about it on the phone, and that was good. To de-brief it all. People here don't know about it, so to be able to talk to my dad was really good. And Healthy.

ALWAYS LOVE- NEVER FORGET
                     AH&MC
                      2/19/05

One day I'll blog about Jamaica....and other things going on in my life.

Long time

I haven't posted in well a Long time...and I'm not really going to tonight...there are a lot of things that I can say.


Just praying about the Holy Spirit....and what that means, and what I'm doing....and where that is at....Tonight was a lot of Reflection.....It's like staring at a mirror until it breaks.