I like forgot that this thing existed. I have become so busy that there is no time. I'm addicted to being busy and it's a problem...But I'm working/dealing with it. There is so much on my mind...but I'm just gonna hit a few thoughts I guess.
I can't focus on anything and it's been like this for a couple of weeks. I realized today that this is reflecting my relationship with God. I can't focus on Him either...and it is eating at me. I know that it is happening now, so I can be more conscious about it. I have just allowed so many thoughts to clog up my mind that it is just way to overwhelming and I have not released them at all. I don't think I have ever had so much on my mind at one time. The ADD has kicked in big time. Someone will be talking to me and the thoughts are just going, and then someone will say something and my attention is just completely taken away. This is not normal for me at all. And I don't like talking about the stuff because I don't want to be a burden...But I think that I have gotten to the point where I just really need to get over myself and do it. I have the greatest friends. And I know that Kara wants to hear it, but sometimes I feel like I over power that and then she feels like she can't tell me anything. It is so easy for me to say that I don't need her...But Intentional Community---I do need her. And she needs me--I think the hardest thing is to remember that she needs me. I'm way to hard on myself...and I don't give myself the credit that I deserve I guess. One thing that has really been great this past week is that Marijke gave me this little notebook-and what I am supposed to do is write down my blessings from the day. So it's a book full of blessings. It seems so simple...But it is so great.It makes you think of God all day because you are continually thinking about things that are blessing you throughout the day and then you write them down. Then before bed I look at what I had been blessed by though out the day, and then Give God Praise for what he has done for me in that day. The book in itself is such a blessing.
I Love questions. I really enjoy asking them. I wish I was asked questions more often besides questions that are raised in my classes. But my discipleship class is really good for me in this category. Last week here are some that arose.
This has to deal with what is under the surface
-What lies beneath for you? Do you know what is under the deepest layers of your foundation? What words or phrases come to mind when you think of the space in your life beneath the foundation?--Recall a moment or season when you lived deep in the knowledge by Acquaintance(heart knowledge) vs. the knowledge by description. Describe this moment.
One day we talked about Authentic Identity. Did you know that out of all of creation, humans are the only thing that has a problem with identity. All of creation knows what it is or where it's identity lies except humans. We talked about unmasking our False selves...These are like perfection, busyness (mine), strength (mine), pleasing others, Expectations (mine)...--So we went on to talk about finding our TRUE self. and knowing these things are really hard for me.
1. Knowing yourself as deeply Loved.
2.Knowing yourself as truly accepted.
3. Knowing yourself as Unique.
So now the questions:
What parts of yourself do you need to accept? is there any self-hatred at work inside of you? Is there a word of phrase that uniquely describes who you are? What might God be trying to utter from your unique life?
^Discussion by G.Olson.
--So now I sit with these questions....and I ask God to Reveal to me my authentic Self--
There are other things on my mind...But I'll talk about them later..I need to finish reading and go to bed.
IRIE
0 comments:
Post a Comment