Anticipation

I am so excited to go home tomorrow night. I have not been home for a long time. And well I won't be home long because I leave for Tennessee Tuesday night...But I was only home for one night between Castaway and coming to school for Pre-season...So this will be nice. I'm excited to just relax with my family. And Drive..I Love driving so yeah. And every moment that I get with my family. Well I Love it. Even though we don't always get along...but that is what makes it. The Love I see between us is just a glimpse of Christs' Love for me. They do not Like all of the things that I do, or the things that I believe, and they can't stand the fact that I question everything....But they still Love me so much.
"How do you swallow all of me, when I can't even stand my taste."
And I know that they don't Love me because they have too. Because well if that were the case...well they wouldn't Love me. haha.

*I have been thinking about my story a lot lately. And what it means. It's used everyday...some days more powerfully than others. But it amazes me that the dumb things that I have done...can actually be used. Sharing my story with someone is the most vulnerable thing that I can do. It's me...and it's real. And it's how I am where I am at right now. It doesn't make sense to me how my story got me to where I am at...But that in itself is a picture of God and His never-ending Grace that is held out for me. People that I am around everyday here don't know my story. And well Katie and I have become so close in the past 2 weeks just because we have learned about e/o's story more and more. And well for that I am so thankful. Katie leaving to study abroad next semester is going to be really hard. But so great at the same time. She is truly a blessing in my life and I could not give thanks enough for her.

You have that Gift.

Today was great! I Love Katie J. And well I am going to miss her so incredibly much. It makes me want to cry. lol. But she is going to have an awesome experience studying abroad. And well I believe that we still have the rest of our lives. She is so great.
We hung out and played games and watched Now and Then at her house.
She brought up the fact that I'm really good at making friends....and that it's a gift that I have. If we weren't watching a movie we would have gone more into this conversation...Because well It's like an hour later and I'm still thinking about it.
-I need to use this gift that I have. I never looked at it as a gift that I have....so using it wasn't something that I have tried to do. It kind of makes me laugh...cuz making friends right now is what I am trying to do...and tonight was so great. It was with people that I enjoy the most. And that really makes my heart warm. lol. How do I use this gift? and not just in a way that is pleasing to others....but in a way that can also help me right now through all of this. hmmm...I will be thinking about this one for awhile...we know this. lol.

Long Enough?

I'm really annoyed.....I don't think that is right the right word....but it can be one of many.

Today was good though when it comes to Young Life...I feel like that is the only thing I have here at North Park...but I guess that's why I'm here. I met some kids at Roosevelt High School today...so that was encouraging...And one girl was really interested in Young Life...so that was VERY encouraging.

My Dad is so comforting. He told me today that I am probably alone...but that it's okay to be like that. Once again he ended the convo with something great...and then prayed for me...It's always about Joy and Peace. He knows me oh so well. And I Love him for that. I think he realizes how hard this is for me. But he is coming up to visit me December 5. So I feel so grateful for that. I can't Imagine living any farther from my family than what I do now. Which is funny because I have grown into that. My relationship with my family has changed so much. I like Long for them right now. haha. But that is probs because of what is going on here.. But it's good.
Just trusting in God. Or learning what that truly is. Until then....well....I just need to be okay where I'm at.

A friend told me a few weeks ago that I have been sacrificing so much of myself for others or to be okay with things....and that it is okay to satisfy myself. But I truly cannot satisfy myself.--I have been thinking about that all day.

Do we just go on....

So many things have happened since my last post-

-Camp went really well. The kids really did a great job. It is really awesome seeing them lead, and growing to be leaders everyday. Talking to some of the girls in the car on the ride home was great as well. It's awesome to see what God is doing with those kids. I am just so blessed to be able to watch.

-We had our team meetings. The one without coach didn't really get anywhere. But later that day coach had a meeting with us. He shared his story with us, which kind of caught me off guard. But for use to be open he knew that he had to open the floor by being open with us. I realized a lot of things during that meeting. Respect for me was one. And how does my team show me Love...or lack of Love in that case. There were things that I shared about my family that I wasn't even planning on talking about...def. cried. But it was good. All in all it was a successful meeting. --But now things are weird for me because of how honest I was....But in the end I'm sure it will be fine.

-Sunday night Pastor Peter Hong spoke about Relational Evangelism...Which has YOUNGLIFE written all over it. The things he spoke about really encouraged me for the things that I am doing. Doing homework and just hanging out at McDonalds where Von kids are is getting old....but he encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing. It's doing life.....in places where they are at. Maybe I'll talk more about it in a later post.

-Yesterday I went to meet with the after school coordinator at Roosevelt HS with Elvin. She actually contacted me about getting information about Young Life.... Lets just say that God has opened a huge door. Seeing what it looks like is not in my sight right now....but God knows. And that is so awesome. And I feel so blessed that Elvin took me to the meeting with him. It was just really cool. And I just felt awesome afterwords. Be Big in this God!

-Club was great last night too. I Love taking kids home afterwords and getting slurpees at 7-11 is always awesome. And the kids like that.
-Our area leader meeting tonight was Bomb 2. I took 2 new potential leaders. Which makes me happy. God again Providing.
-Tomorrow we are meeting with students at Roosevelt...So Praying about that.
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Today I spent time in 1 Peter 4.
One thing that really stuck out to me is when Peter talks about sin getting old, and staying away from it. It really hit home because that is exactly what happened/ what is happening. Peter really encouraged me today in the loneliness and all of the things I have been experiencing this year. So that's great.

'sometimes following that nudge feels like the worst thing....but I am with you'

'You are capable of walking through Fire. You are not alone in this. Others may not agree with what you do or even understand it, but I Love you. And I am with you. Do not worry about the obvious obstacles that look as if they can take you down. When you feel like you have been 'burnt' or things get hot, remember that I Love you and that I am with you.'
^^This is what is getting me through every second of my day.
--I need to be Confident in the things that I am doing, and be Confident in the person that God has created me to be.

With that sad. This whole week has been crazy. Monday night a guy tried to tell me that my faith isn't true and real. And that got over trumped by the fact all of the new girls on the team quitting...and trying to make things better for them..to now 3 of my teammates hate me and think that I am attacking them. uh yikes...

But I'm working at Camp this weekend. So hopefully I can just not think about all of this that is going on. The meeting that we had with the freshman though really just broke my heart....and these other girls don't even know what happened.....and they are assuming otherwise.....
-I'm usually not the person to stand up for things like this. So I hope that this is all for the better.

I talked with Caroline tonight about how I am apart of this community...and it's almost forced. and I don't know how to get out without hurting other people. And where do I find that other community? I guess I just trust that God is going to bring it to me.....or I find it somewhere.
--Kelsey is great (there ya go) haha