Decisions

I have to stay in Chicago an extra week because of Soccer...Not sure how I feel about it
I made the decision tonight...and talked it over with my Dad...and he say's that it is prolly the best decision. I can't just leave those girls hanging for their last games. I wish I knew exactly when they would be done so I could buy my train ticket now when it's cheap. But that's okay. I also can't start working as early as well...but I'm trusting that God will supply me with a job and everything will be alright.

And then I told the girls I would come back up for the Banquet....Which would be a week later...and then that very next week I'm driving my dad back up here for the Cubs game.


Talking about jobs my Dad talked to me tonight about a job that a friend of ours has and they need people. I would sit in on visits with kids and their parents that are separated. I'm really interested in this. She said I also get to spend time with the kids themselves as well...which is right up my alley...and would be great experience. And it would be part time...so I would get days off to come back up here. lol. and I could just babysit as well. But we will see. I know everything will work out.

I also want to come up here this summer and get a tattoo. lol. But that is not something that I need. lol. I just want to.

Actually having a job in Chicago this year would just make everything so much easier it seems. lol.

And I haven't even thought about the fact that I am supposed to take kids to camp the first week of August...But I think I'm making that decision right now...I prolly shouldnt go.


BAH!

Finish the Sentence

1. My ex...is coming to Chicago in less than 2 weeks...and it will be interesting to say the least..and the thought puts a knot in my stomach.

2. Maybe I should...learn to Love God with everything that I have.

3. I love...we are friends. It is so random...and I couldn't tel people how it happened...But I would never change it.

4. People would say that I...am up for anything.

5. I don't understand...what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life. And why my dreams are all over the place.

6. When I wake up in the morning...I love to go on walks.... or sit in the sun room at home and spend time with God...maybe one day it will include coffee.

7. I lost...so many friends in life....but what I have now replaces what any of those people put together could have offered me.

8. Life is full of...opportunities to Live, Love, and Laugh.

9. My past... is something that I have learned to not be ashamed of...I'm alright talking about it..It's made me who I am right now. And that's great--so you should know.

10. I get annoyed when... people only think of themselves.

11. Parties are... fun when you are with the right people.

12. I wish...that all of my worlds could collide into one.

13. Dogs...are Great! I have 3 and Love them so much!!!

14. Cats...are annoying. I have 3 of those as well....uh

15. Tomorrow... is another day that is to come...and it will be great.

16. I have low tolerance... when it comes to pain.

17. If I had a million dollars...I don't know what I would do with it. Pray for sure. God would have to tell me. Something would happen in Jamaica. I would pay for my education for sure.

18. I'm totally terrified...of what God is going to do in my life daily. If that makes sense. I'm terrified of what my ministry in the future is going to look like.

19. My boyfriend/girlfriend...is going to be better than what I have ever dreamed of.

20. My life...is all about Faith. I know God will provide in everything...and I trust that what is going on right now is best for the future.

Some Trust

So you fake you're full and you feel tomorrow
Coming and you gotta do what you can do to get
Away with everything you want and still get what you need.
So you're slowing down cause you've done it before,
You look at the floor and you wonder when it's gonna
Come on up over your head so you can get some rest.

Some trust in love and some trust in hatred
Some trust in fear and some in violence
Some trust in faith and some trust in fortune
Some trust God and some just get away.

Swear to God I'm going to get it right Stay down tied until I get my fill.
So I take it all but it's falling through Done it before so maybe a little bit
More will make it easier to get on through the door.

Some trust in pain and some trust in pleasure
Some trust in union, some in innocence
Some trust in fear and some trust in fortune
Some trust in everyone and some just get away.

Call it security, Call it your purity, Call it the words we pray,
Call it the sins we say, You never wanted this

Some trust in God and some trust in country
Some trust in love and some in violence
Some trust in diamonds, some trust in devils
Some trust fear and some just get away

Some Trust- The Fray

>2weeks

School is almost finished. I don't have classes anymore so that is nice. I have time to go have coffee with people or go on walks with them. So that is great. But I still have to write 5 papers....I will get one out of the way tomorrow...maybe 2 ;-).


I need to be proactive when it comes to hanging out with you...I'm sorry.


Today in Church Breath Prayer's were talked about. A year ago that was my main communication with God. It changed my communication. It was as if I was in constant communication with Christ. And I shared my practice with others...and they used it...and we were all gung ho about it. I need to start doing it again. I'm in a different stage in my life....So it's time to sit on my knees with God and come up with a new one.


....My Body is broken. Please heal me.
...Help me to let go of everything.


Being honest with you is so easy. I thank you for that. I'm a very complicated person...and I am sorry for that. But you deal with it. and you are so great. I have to get over myself. I Love You. You are real with me...



Not excited about the people that I am living with at all. Well Sarah. That will be good. We get along. And CiCi is Legit. But Michelle. She is really getting on my nerves...which takes a lot. Just tonight alone. I could not take her language and the things that she was talking about. I had to walk away...and I wasn't the only person standing there...other's do not want to hear words like that coming from her mouth. it just made me sick...and not excited. I'm never around anyways...and we have 3 bedrooms....so maybe I will see if she wants to split up and have our own rooms....

Jesus, Son of God, Give me peace through out my days.

Always

My Love,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you (Psalm 139:3). You were created in My image (Genesis 1:27). You were formed by My hands (Psalm 139:13). I cradled you when you were born (Psalm 22:10). I have called you by name (Isaiah 43:1) and you are perfect in My eyes (Song of Songs 4:7).
I have created so much to make you happy (Genesis 1:28,29) because I love you deeply and hopelessly (Song of Songs 4:9). I made the sun, the moon, the stars, wildflowers and songbirds (Genesis 1:1-24). Every day I am right there with you. You are never out of My sight (Psalm 139:3-10).

I think you are incredibly beautiful (Song of Songs 2:14). When you are tired, I’ll give you rest for your soul (Matthew 11:29). I will caress you with My gentle ways (Psalm 18:35) and always do what’s best for you (Psalm 146:6-9).

If you make a mess of your life, I’ll get you out of it (Romans 3:23,24). When your life is a living hell, I’ll rescue you (Psalm 30:3). Then you can come out from under the heavy, black cloud (Romans 8:1). I will comfort you and turn your sadness into joy (Jeremiah 31:13). I will give you a new, clean life (Psalm 51:10) and I’ll wipe every tear form your eyes (Revelation 21:4).
When you’re lonely, I’ll hug you (Psalm 68:6). When you’re tired, I’ll refresh you (Jeremiah 31:25). When you’re weak, I’ll be strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). When you’re drowning, I’ll lift you up (Isaiah 43:2). I’ll carry you in My arms and hold you close to My heart (Isaiah 40:11). I will heal your broken heart, through every hard time (Isaiah 41:13). Have faith in Me and I’ll make you well (Matthew 9:22). Other lovers may forget you (Jeremiah 30:14), but I will never leave you (Matthew 28:20). Others may lie to you, but I will always tell you the truth (Hebrews 13:8). You can never do anything so bad that I won’t love you (Ephesians 2:4,5) because I am fiercely loyal (1Corinthians 1:9).

I will turn your night of crying into days of laughter (Psalm 30:5) and I will chase you with beauty and love every day of your life (Psalm 23:6). I’ll put a song in your heart that will make you dance for joy (Psalm 30:11,12). Then I’ll make you strong, give you peace (Psalm 29:11) and set you free from fear (Psalm 34:4).

My heart is full of compassion for you (Romans 9:15) so I will erase your mistakes and give you a fresh start. I won’t hold anything against you (Psalm 32:1,2). I will take all of your sins on Myself so you can be free of them (Ephesians 1:7) and I will make you whiter than snow (Psalm 51:7). I have loved you from the beginning of time and I have an exciting plan for your future (Jeremiah 29:11). You will discover your real identity when you get to know Me (Ephesians 1:11,12). Your life with Me will be a great adventure (Romans 8) and you will tide through eternity on My wings (Deuteronomy 32:11).

Please accept this extravagant gift of life that I’m offering you (Romans 5:17-21). Come to Me and you will find that I am gentle and humble (Matthew 11:29). I am merciful, slow to anger and full of grace (Psalm 145:8). My heart beats wildly every time you look in My direction (Song of Songs 4:9). Follow Me and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) because I am passionately in love with you (Psalm 45:11).

Nothing, absolutely nothing can change My love for you (Romans 8:38,39). Trust in Me and I will help you (Romans 10:11) I’ll welcome you with open arms (Mark 10:16) and I will meet all of your needs (Philippians 4:9). I will love you all day and sing songs to you at night (Psalm 42:8). You mean the world to Me and My love for you knows now limits (John 3:16).

Let Me live in your heart and I’ll breath new life into you (Romans 8:11). Just invite Me in and all of heaven will celebrate (Luke 15:7). I’ll be with you every day of your life (Matthew 28:20) and fill you with hope (Romans 15:13) because you belong to Me. You are Mine (Exodus 19:5). I gave up what I loved most to win your love (Romans 8:32) and I’ve waited an eternity for you (Ephesians 1:11). If you believe in Me, I will save you (Romans 1:16).


I am Jesus, the lover of your soul.

I could tell you anything and everything and be Alright with it.

What I have to offer..That's enough

"You know the generous grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty he could make you rich." 2 Corin 8:9
The knowledge of what God does in my life...when it comes to grace, mercy, and forgiveness...Having that knowledge is so important in my life. That knowledge is so important in learning how to Love myself. And knowing how to Love myself...Truly Loving myself is the only way that I am going to Learn and show others that I Love them.




God meets me where I am at...'as is.' How incredible is that. I need to learn to accept..and learn to love myself where I am at right now. How I am at this very moment. I need to trust that others Love me this way as well. People don't see that I Love them as is because they see that I don't Love myself as is. I do Love you as is. And that is great for myself...but it's not great because you don't see me loving myself as is. God is the creator of all things...and he made everything the way that he wanted it...So I need to accept things the way that it is right now.



You are so great. And through small things you teach me what Love really is. I thank you for that. I think that these next two weeks are going to be really hard for me, but I am excited to see where these next two weeks end. Our friendship excites me. When I see you I get incredibly happy cuz you have taught me so much. You are not convienient at all. And I love that, cuz I am use to having friends that are just convenient. I thank you for being real. God is going to bless you in ways that you can't even imagine, and in ways that you are not going to understand, but it's going to be great. I know it will be. Thanks for everything.



Seeing Mike at the end of this school year might not happen now....I don't know if I am staying until Saturday or not...But if staying til saturday is possible, I really do want to meet up with him for coffee on Friday sometime.

So great

Today was like the greatest day...Woke up went to coffee with Leann for a couple of hours...talked with Stacey for like an hour....met with coach...Then Lunch with Leann.
I Love that girl so much. she is really Great. She appreciates and values our friendship so much that it makes me cry. She is so happy. And she had a great time in Bolivia. And she has a boyfriend...and well I don't know him. But I know he's great. Just seeing this and everyone else around me being in really seriouse relationships...Not saying that Leann's is or anything...But they all have been so patient with Love. I am not...I am not at all right now. I was. But I don't know what happened. I have changed alot. Well I think that I have changed...but I really haven't...I've just let myself be somebody else. But I don't know. I need to learn to Love God more...with my whole heart, and then myself before I can start really dating again. I need a break from boy's. Mike and I were serious. That is what makes this hard. And before him I always kind of had somebody. Now it's time to be on my own. Be Patient! It will come. And I'm not writing this being like oh my gosh I need a boyfriend now. I'm writing because of what I see in the people around me. They weren't even trying...it just happened. They were patient. They weren't always patient...but they became that way. I just admire those people alot.




So anyway's...I love Leann so much... I can't wait till Memorial Weekend!



So practice was good...I was in such a great mood...I wanted to hug everyone I saw today...and well compared to yesterday that is huge. Prostko made her decision to play volleyball today. I'm so proud of that girl. and extremely happy for her. LOVE HER SO MUCH! And I am so glad that she played with us. I was really honored to when she asked me to pray after she gave her devo/announced before practice. I know God will do great things in this decision.



VON won today. Those girls are so great. And I love them so much. Abby and Kelsey asked me to come over for dinner. That was good. I really enjoy spending time with great people. And they are so great. The whole family...it really makes being away from home easy.



Meghan- You are so....uh I love you! and talking to you is so easy.
2 weeks...



Ash Bash- I needed to end my night with you and Mooners. Cooking for you girls was great. And I love you both so much.

Having Crab Cake mix left over makes me really happy as well....

I'm so emotional right now...Sorry

for twenty

Well today is 4/20....alot of things happen today....
Students all over will be getting High today--Pray for them....

10 years ago 4/20=Columbine....Pray for that situation and all it entails. Friends, Families, Students in school right now....





This day means other things...but these 2 hit me more than the others

I hate this part right here

I'm really sorry. I know you say it's not my fault. And it really isn't...cuz it's well my job. But I know how you feel about that situation to start off with...and I don't know I just felt really bad. The last thing that I want to do is hurt you.



Leann being here right now...just uh! I haven't been so happy in a while. That girl! LOVE. She shows it. She shows it well. Tonight was just so great with her...



I Love Ashley Hartz...Crab Cakes tomorrow night after IM's....ASH-BASH! totally excited...I Love that girl. Had a really good talk with her tonight at Helwig...and then seeing her again at her house. So great. She turns my day around.





CollegeLife was really good tonight

You are So Great!

Today was a really good day. I did nothing. ha. Just spent time with people.



I'm so glad I didn't go to OD's. Prioritizing what I am doing is something that needs to be done in these next 2 weeks. And tonight was one of those nights where I spent it well...If that wording makes sense.

I appreciate You.

I need to be done with school this year. It was rough...I enjoyed it...but it really has to be over soon. I took on a little to much this semester...which is fine. If I could go back I would spend more time with people. But that is fine as well.



I Love what I have with Derek right now....Besides the fact that he is 3 hours away right now and I wish that we were on a walk together right now cuz it's still so nice out. He is replacing what Mike has been to me. Mike and I are just friends. And yeah you say that Mike is just filling this need or whatever and maybe thats because I am supposed to be with him...But I do not think that is the case at all. What Mike fills I feel like anyone can fill. Cuz Derek fills it. It's just a friendship. A friendship that happens to be a guy. Uh I don't make sense anymore...tired of words..



I don't know if I want to live with these people....BAH!

Tick-Tock

My time here is running out...
Last night was so great. I really like spending time with those kids. I was so upset after their game last night. That kind of makes me laugh. It's like I'm a real coach.
-It is really hard for me not being Pro-active with YoungLife at all. But things like last night make me happy...cuz it's the same thing.


It's so Nice out...I'm excited for the Baseball game!



I'm leaving tonight open for whatever comes up




Next Saturday is our soccer tournament at COD... I hope I do well. I really need it. I belong on that team. And especially with the way I played in it last year. That was so great! I can't believe we won it...it was so awesome. uh. lets do that again girls! and getting to play with the best teammates I've ever had one last time. CJ, Amanda, Alyssa, and Laura!! I'm really going to miss those girls. They all taught me so much..Love them!

Frusterated

Crying is the only thing I can do right now.




Shoot while setting up the nets tonight all I could think of is the work that I had to do...and I cried...
Granted I'm taking time to write this right now...but I can't think. I have writer's block...so maybe this will help. This teacher doesn't understand how I work...I need to know when things are due at least a week in advance...but 2 is better. cuz I like to start it 2 weeks in advanced...cuz I do get writer's block...But on Tuesday she tells us this rough draft is due. Well from that class on, tuesdays are bad for me....So are wed....and well so is Thurs....UH!!






I will be up all night.....

....I could use a hug right about now

Flutter

This made me laugh...

Really Trying...

There are so many things that I am trying to do...Some I am doing well; others not so much.I just needed to say that


I don't know why I write on here...It seems stupid when I think about it. I write in my actual journal. But those things are different. Some are the same thoughts though.



Andrew Marin spoke in chapel today... He talked about homosexuality...different aspects of it. He was really great. "Its the Holy Spirits job to convict, God's job to judge, and my job to simply love." Thats a phrase I need to reflect on every morning, every day, at every moment. I need to love people more than what I do. Or at least show them how much I love them.



"But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:13
While I am suffering I don't think of it as participating in the sufferings of Christ. I mean obviously he suffered so much greater than what I could ever suffer, but thinking to myself 'Ash- this is so great, suffering through this with you.' I know that one thing that I have really enjoyed about Pre-season is the fact that as a team we are suffering together. We are going through 'hell' to reach a goal together. Blood, tears, and pain; we get to share that together.
Why don't I think of that with Christ? How can you compare?
The Bible is like a gem-It has so many different sides. One verse can be interpreted in so many different ways. This one verse has been that to me just from reading it a few times today..Each time I got something else out of it. We will never be able to completely understand all of God...there will always be something more...there will always be another way to interpret something...there will always be a different instance to where that could be applied. God is so good. So amazing. Nothing else can do that. Nobody else can do that. But then I still go out and fulfill the needs that I have with other things, other feelings, other people, other satisfactions; when God is really the only thing that can fulfill what I need. He is the only thing that I can truly rely on. He will never leave me hanging or anything.
Why do we treat God like that? Why do I treat God like that?

Nothing really

I don't really have much to say...I have alot of emotions and feelings right now...The first one is DRAINED! I'm so tired right now and I took an hour in a half nap already...I'll probs go to bed at like 11 tonight as well. But thats great.
Being home was really good. It was relaxing. I have attitude issues....lol. But thats okay. I'm working on it. I just have to watch what I say. But don't we all. I surprisingly spent ALOT of time with Derek over my break. Which was great. He really makes me look forward to this summer in Washington...lol. We talked about alot of things last night...cuz well last night was 5 hours of random from laying in the middle of Main Street....To walking down rail road tracks...to running around the golf course....But it was so great. We have never been this close and it's great. He is such an awesome friend and really cares about people and you can tell that because of the time that he really tries to invest...Even if he doesn't spend much time with you he puts alot of effort into doing it. What a great friend




I'm going to be pretty busy this week...But I'm fine with that...B/c once school is over it's summer time and well summer is not as busy....ha. I'm not understanding things in my Dialogue class right now...So that will take up alot of my time.

Watch a movie and fall asleep....Okay :-)

1. Deep down I love my family...But I wish we were more of a 'Family.'
2. I'm glad that family just doesn't consist of your Blood relatives.
3. At church tonight they shut out all of the lights...and it was silent for like 2minutes then bag pipes started playing Amazing Grace...and I just started to cry...I wasn't even thinking about anything.
4. Derek wanted to hang out tonight...But then he had to work...Asked if I wanted to watch a Movie with him tomorrow night.
5. I've never felt so good with a friendship like this...It's hard to explain..But thanks Meghan.
6. I Love hugs from Lauren...It's as if she is never going to let go.
7. I'm a brat...
8. I need to learn to Love...or to show the people that I love most that I actually do.
9. I don't want to finish all of these things that are still due...
10. I need a job this summer
11. I can't wait to see Kelsey and Abby!
12. This next week is going to be great....I can feel it.
13. This next week is going to be super stressful though when it comes to actual school work.
14. I'm in need of a Dance Party. lol
15. I love my bed and being surrounded by so many blankets and my dog!

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found

Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains

Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow

The sun forbear to shine

But God, Who called me here below

Will be forever mine

Will be forever mine

**You are forever mine**

I don't think Easter has meant so much to me until this year. That might be because of faith that I have developed since last Easter. Since then I have been through alot of things with God. This summer alone was huge. I had changed so much. And well since then I have done alot of things that because of Grace I am here. Last night before bed I was just thinking about what the last supper means and what it means directly to my life. Tonight we are going to church for the Good Friday service. I'm really excited. I really Love my church. @ school I listen to the Podcasts from my church because I love it so much.

You are Forever Mine!

I wish I just knew...But maybe it's what I don't know thats best

I'm reading a book right now for my Topics course. I'm glad that I get to read it though. It's so good. It's called Sacred Space. It's about creating a new type of worship..But it's not new...It actually comes from Jesus. But it is a new way for people to encounter Jesus...a way where Jesus meets us where we are. 'As is.' Knowing that Jesus can meet us exactly how we are makes me cry. I don't deserve him...but this could be a whole different post. lol.
So back to this book. So for my assignment I have to write a book review...and then get a couple other people to go through the steps with me...Its only like 30 minutes. But we did it at the course...and it was so good. I Loved it. So I'm excited to set it up on my own...and let someone else experience it. Time is running out though...So I need to get going I guess. lol



I don't feel attracted to him. It's the thought of him that I Love. He does fill a need that I have...But anyone could fill that. If we were supposed to be together I would feel excited about that fact. But what I really feel is the fact that if I allow us to be back together....that I am just settling. I know that there is better. And I feel like that is a feeling I shouldnt feel towards him if I really was supposed to be with him. I should be more willing. I do not want to settle. I deserve so much more then what he could ever supply me with in many areas of my life. Just because I care about him and what he is doing and how he is doing doesn't mean anything. We were close. I have been close with a lot of people.





Derek is so good to me. All of my boys here are. They treat me so well. They remind me that I deserve to be respected. They remind me how good a guy can treat me and how I really should be treated that way. Just spending time with Derek is what I needed tonight. I Love him so much. He is so great. It makes me wonder if something will happen between us. There is no way I would rush into that between the two of us. But it really makes me wonder.



Talking to you and listening to how much you love your city really makes me want to live there for a couple of years at least after I get done with school. I talked about that tonight with Derek. I would enjoy that alot. Chicago has grown on me alot. And maybe it is just the people there. Or what it provides me that Washington cannot. I do love it here though in Washington...But it is really hard to enjoy because I don't have as many ties here as I use to... Yeah I have Dink and Derek and Abby and my family...and a few other people that I couldn't imagine living without...But I also have people up in the City that I really care about as well. But I have lots of time to think about this. I just need to listen God more and be willing to do what he has in mind for me.

One thing that I do need to listen to God about more is with Relationships. I did a good job doing that with Mike. Before we broke up I felt God in the situation. There was doubt in my mind...But because I liked the idea of us together... I liked the Idea of finding the person that I want to marry in College.... I liked the idea of having him.... I didn't listen to God at the time. But whatever God put into Mikes mind at that moment... I thank him so much. Anyways




I LOVE YOU!! and I mean that

What that looks like...

I am so Blessed for having you in my life. I think the thing that scares me is that this relationship is new... So there aren't really any roots...and what there is I feel like it can be pulled up and ruined very easily.
But I need to stop living in that fear. Take some risks. Thats what I thought about all day today. If this is going to be 'Real' between us...I can't just lie to you like I did...I have to just be able to tell you straight up how I feel about you...or about what is going on. And thats hard for me...I'm sorry for that. Sometimes I feel like....well all of the time I feel like thats not my place. But I need to get over myself....



Talking to you on the phone tonight was so great. I was surprised. LOVE. Thats what that is. You showed me love tonight. And today. Because you care. I'm glad that we are real friends as well. lol. That took me a while to believe. But I'm just going to let this go. I'm going to stop holding on, and being afraid. Okay so we are finished with school in a month. But tonight I just got this feeling of reassurance. This feeling of maybe not being in school together is what we need. But I dont know.

I Pray that God blesses this in ways that I can't even Imagine

I Love being home....Seeing the stars when I get out of the car. Talking to my Dad about the issues of this world. Talking to him gets me fired up about what I want to do with the rest of my life. He makes me feel inteligent...Cus I just talk and he listens...and then he talks...and we uhh.. LOVE HIM! anyways....I am really glad that I get to spend Easter...this holiday that is so important in my life....with my family. It really means alot. And being able to talk about what the cross actually means in my life with people that actually care....

I Love you

So far away from where you are These miles have torn us worlds apart

And I miss you Yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are

Standing underneath the stars And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face

I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me

Yeah, I miss you And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart I see the shadows of your face

Just know that wherever you are

Yeah, I miss you And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me

Yeah, I miss you And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are

These miles have torn us worlds apart

And I miss you Yeah, I miss you

And I wish you were here

I have great friends. Sorry I've been distant from you guys. And I haven't talked to you. I am really blessed to have you all in my life though. Thanks for being there when you could. I LOVE YOU!

Cubs

I forget how much I love the Cubs through the winters of Chicago. But opening day comes and I feel like a little kid.

Opening with a Homerun!! How great!

:-)

All Things Said

This is really hard...

I miss hanging out with you...

Today was a pretty productive day..well when it comes to life.lol. Not school. I cleaned my room--did Laundry-- saw some great people-- Worked out--made some money--and College Life...

I love being the IM vball supervisor...I really enjoy it..and I don't know why. I like getting there early and setting up everything by myself...and then when everyone gets there and it's done. Like wow....look at all of this....and yeah I did that. And when I do things I had been taught to do them as if you are doing them for God...Literally--So everytime I go get the scoreboards downstairs...or set up every net....I think 'alright Jesus is playing on this court tonight.' I just love it.

I also really enjoy seeing people that I love while I'm up there. Like today- I saw Ashley H. and Amanda Wallden. it was so great. And I got to chat with both of them. Uh I love Amanda so much too. And I never see her anymore--so that was so good.

So I'm having an optional practice tomorrow with the Von girls up at river park tomorrow at 1:30...We will see how this goes.. I need to figure out what I want to do with them....I don't have cones or anything...so this will be interesting. But it will be nice to spend some time working on Individual things with each of the girls. Rod keeps on wanting to get together to talk about the rest of the season and stuff...I'm so tired of doing that...Really what is there to talk about that we can't discuss...He thinks to much or something. I don't understand. And when we go he ends up drinking too much and it's just really annoying....and time wasted...time that I don't really have.

Played catch phrase last night at Gina's....Girls vs. Guys...Baseball vs. soccer...and of course the girls won. But it was fun. Very chill and relaxed. I do enjoy hanging out with those girls. And the joy of that is that they are going to be back here next year for me to hang out with. So it's great.

I had higher hopes for this weekend...But that's okay--I'm really kind of sad...cuz I'm only going to be here for 2 more weekends... And then...well I won't see you for a really long time....And I couldn't actually tell you when I will see you next....

This weekend was alright....Could have been better...

But it's not over... I still have tonight-Not having class on Monday's is great.

NCAA Final Four!

I am so weird...But who didn't already know that. lol


Practice today was alright...I get so frusterated....I think I dropped the F bomb after I made 2 really good saves on one play...and then a girl got a 3rd touch on it into the goal...And troy was standing right there.. But I'm getting better with my mouth...but it's hard to say that when I'm not playing Soccer.


I didn't do anything tonight...But that doesn't bother me to much. A game night would have been fun tonight...but I didnt really think of anything to do until 8 tonight. lol. and well now it's 10. But I have Reload tomorrow....which is till like 3. So I have a long day ahead of me....And I'll go to the baseball game sometime...and then FINAL FOUR BABY!! I wish Kelsey and Abby were stil here cuz Batch and I would probs watch it with them... But Batch and I will watch it tomorrow... just don't know where yet...she can figure that out. I just want to chill and watch the games....mabes make some pizza or something...that sounds good. but yeah. Tomorrow night should be alright....

The things in my head...

I miss you alot...
or maybe I just miss the thought of you...
This is killing me, and there is nothing that I can do.
Last night I was dreaming about you...and I kept sleeping because I didn't want it to end.
I took a nap today...and kept pressing snooze b/c what was inside of my head was better than being out in the real world.
I don't know what to do.
This could just be me...But I know if I talked to you about it- you would say you dream about me too.
I thought I was over you...Maybe I am...But there is no way I'm over the thought of you.


I wish that I could just be the only coach at practice tomorrow. There are so many things that I have written down on this paper...that I just want to do....But I'm gonna have to explain them to the other 2... and then they will do it wrong...and Uh.. it frusterates me. This is all a learning experience for sure. But I feel bad for Kelsey. She wants me to do the things that I want to do...But how much power to I really have. I hate loosing...but when they loose it doesn't bother me that much...well it does...but it's the way that they loose....and I wasn't even at the game. Just hearing Kelsey's anger over the phone really pissed me off. Uh freakin' work. If you have a coach that doesn't know what is going on....You are going to have players that don't know what is going on....I rest my case....


You made my night tonight. And it was really nothing. It was 15min of sitting there. I had a whole day...and that 15 min. is the only part that I want to remember. Thanks for being so great.

I don't know what I want. I do know that I want more of you and less of me...

Too much for me

There are alot of things going on right now... Just life in general I have alot.


I had a dream last night and you were in it....>Don't know how I feel about that.

It's me

You never did anything that hurt me. It takes alot to bother me. I can only recall being upset once with you....and we talked about that, and it was understandable. I don't know what you could do to actually hurt me.


Confusion might be a word to describe things. But I can live in confusion to a certain extent.


You don't really know me...Maybe I should explain things to you more...But I don't know how>you're good at asking questions...and I don't mind answering.
Don't be afraid to say whats on your mind to me.... You won't push me away... The only thing that can push me away is myself...and I'm good at that.

I Love You