I wish I just knew...But maybe it's what I don't know thats best

I'm reading a book right now for my Topics course. I'm glad that I get to read it though. It's so good. It's called Sacred Space. It's about creating a new type of worship..But it's not new...It actually comes from Jesus. But it is a new way for people to encounter Jesus...a way where Jesus meets us where we are. 'As is.' Knowing that Jesus can meet us exactly how we are makes me cry. I don't deserve him...but this could be a whole different post. lol.
So back to this book. So for my assignment I have to write a book review...and then get a couple other people to go through the steps with me...Its only like 30 minutes. But we did it at the course...and it was so good. I Loved it. So I'm excited to set it up on my own...and let someone else experience it. Time is running out though...So I need to get going I guess. lol



I don't feel attracted to him. It's the thought of him that I Love. He does fill a need that I have...But anyone could fill that. If we were supposed to be together I would feel excited about that fact. But what I really feel is the fact that if I allow us to be back together....that I am just settling. I know that there is better. And I feel like that is a feeling I shouldnt feel towards him if I really was supposed to be with him. I should be more willing. I do not want to settle. I deserve so much more then what he could ever supply me with in many areas of my life. Just because I care about him and what he is doing and how he is doing doesn't mean anything. We were close. I have been close with a lot of people.





Derek is so good to me. All of my boys here are. They treat me so well. They remind me that I deserve to be respected. They remind me how good a guy can treat me and how I really should be treated that way. Just spending time with Derek is what I needed tonight. I Love him so much. He is so great. It makes me wonder if something will happen between us. There is no way I would rush into that between the two of us. But it really makes me wonder.



Talking to you and listening to how much you love your city really makes me want to live there for a couple of years at least after I get done with school. I talked about that tonight with Derek. I would enjoy that alot. Chicago has grown on me alot. And maybe it is just the people there. Or what it provides me that Washington cannot. I do love it here though in Washington...But it is really hard to enjoy because I don't have as many ties here as I use to... Yeah I have Dink and Derek and Abby and my family...and a few other people that I couldn't imagine living without...But I also have people up in the City that I really care about as well. But I have lots of time to think about this. I just need to listen God more and be willing to do what he has in mind for me.

One thing that I do need to listen to God about more is with Relationships. I did a good job doing that with Mike. Before we broke up I felt God in the situation. There was doubt in my mind...But because I liked the idea of us together... I liked the Idea of finding the person that I want to marry in College.... I liked the idea of having him.... I didn't listen to God at the time. But whatever God put into Mikes mind at that moment... I thank him so much. Anyways




I LOVE YOU!! and I mean that