All I want

So I just called my dad to just hear his voice and talk to him...So really no reason. I just have this need and I don't know what it is...cry..uhh. Why is something...Something- I don't know what...why is it bothering me. So I call him and ask...uh did I get anything in the mail for a scholarship I applied for...>wrong question-Here talk to your mother. Okay sweet. She asks me questions about things and I'm just so overwhelmed right now...no time to deal with things like that... So we get into an argument...I want to talk about it. she doesnt. I have to settle things. she leaves them in the air. So I hang up.
Better off not calling. Made everything worse.
And these feelings. This is really frusterating that I'm dealing with this again. I worked so hard this summer to be connected; thats not the right word... But I started to know what I was feeling. Now-No clue. Back to step one... I hope I'm not like this forever. Only one person has ever told me I'm complicated...besides myself of course. And I would get upset that he would say that... and then last week he said it again. And I know why he thinks I'm complicated- I can't figure out my own feelings or emotions. and he's not around to help me figure it out. He was so good at it. I try.. I try so hard to rely on God 100 percent on knowing what I'm feeling. But uh. Crying and being really upset about something...but not knowing what that something is. Thats annoying. I just don't know if I can deal with this. Well No...I can. I just i dont know.

2-19-2008-- 'I want to know the Longings of my Heart, Lord. I feel like sometimes I dont know what I'm feeling- or if something is a problem. Things bother me--Define the things cuz I cant. And I get hurt. But I make it seem to other people that I'm completely fine...But he knows. HE KNOWS. Then I convince myself -not even knowing- that it's no big deal @ all.'
And still a year later....same feelings.

Help me to Love you like you have never been Loved before.