With an Open Hand

I'm Scared... And it hurts.
This is really out of nowhere> but I know it is what I'm feeling. There is no hiding this from myself. I put my relationships in an open hand... I can't close it. If I close it; it will hurt more when it's over. But if I leave it open...that's unfair, and doesn't allow for growth or trust or anything.

*I am so blessed though. I Love my family so Much. I called my mom today, and it was just so nice to talk to her and for it to just be normal conversation. My sister was over with Isabella...And I know for my mom that is so Great! and that puts her in a better mood. So then I called my Dad...He really knows how to make me feel so good about myself. I'm so blessed for that. He's so great, and I miss him so much. He really wants to come up and see me 2 and take me out to lunch with probs a friend. lol. He was going to this weekend... But I have that topics course- so that blows. He really wants to be apart of this life that I have up here... Like he wants to have my friends over for a bbq lol. or take us out for pizza. I am so blessed for the relationship I have with him. Love is so hard for me and he does a great job of helping me see Love.

I can't wait for summer--To be with my friends. and Not care about anything. and Just work and read and workout. Leave all of the stress of school and everything that is here behind. It's so close I can taste it...but so far away that I can't see it. This is going to be a long quad for me. And interesting when it comes to Relationships. We'll see though. I need to set up some coffee dates for sure with people--Thats nice about having a couple days off from class--

*Leann- gets back in April....I really cannot wait. I was thinking about that alot today. And I miss her so much. Especially this week with it being so nice... I miss our walks...Greatest Conversations! Uh. So great. Love her!