On the Corner of Jefferson and Bondurant...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

This is so hard for me. And I'm ruining it. I know that I am. It's going to crash and burn. And I'm going to be left. Where I started. Or even farther back. I always take myself back to that place....That place where I see who I am, or who I was, or who I am supposed to be. Jefferson and Bondurant- what does that mean to me. It should mean the world. If I could go back there, this would all probs be fine between us. But I can't go back. So I have to start over. Find my new 'Jefferson and Bondurant.' Maybe that's what all of this means.

-I know something is up...But I can't figure it out. I wish you were completely straight with me, all of the time. I need to listen... and I need to talk...Communicate....How are you supposed to know what's going on. How do you trust me if I don't open up to you more? I'm sorry for holding back.

I dont know what I'm feeling....Or is that what I always say because what I'm feeling is something that I don't want to feel-or is it somethng that I shouldn't feel...Something bothers me, but I don't want to look like I'm complaining, or I just want to be 'whatever' about it. So my feelings make me cry--maybe I don't want to accept the real fact that I'm crying...so I say I don't know why? Mabes I just don't want other people to know? but why is that? so I try to make it something else?

*Sacrificial Living-- What does that mean in my own life?
--Offering God my BIGGEST and my Best... So what is that?
+God will you make us a people that LOVE you!+
--------giving up myself-----
Today is Crissy's (my sister) Birthday. 32. I wonder when she was my age what she thought she was going to be at 32. Or when she was 17...what did she think life at 32 was going to be cuz at 19 she was alright gone. **Be with her* I worry about her so much. It breaks my heart. I use to want to be just like her....hopefully I don't turn into her. I think about her everyday and just wonder> why? what? how? WHEN? where?>>I've always chewed on that...never figured it out.
Tomorrow's a New day

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