What's it like...

I met with Pastor Judy on Friday...and After that I was supposed to meet with Coach....well I couldn't because I just needed to sit in my room and cry and think about everything.

--Basically what I am trying to do is Impossible...and it's true. I cannot try to change my lifestyle on my own. I am trying to do it all by myself. Because the result of my lifestyle is Loneliness...and All summer I thought that was what I needed to change...I needed to fill that loneliness with Christ and not this lifestyle that is so easy to fall into. But really okay yeah that is true. But it is my nature...because I am human to want people. Adam needed someone so God gave him Eve. So it is impossible for me to just sit here at night so I don't go out with my 'friends.'
-Now where do I find that community. Uh here at North Park it's so hard because everyone already has their groups... and it's so hard to just join a group of friends when you didn't start off that way. And I'm shy. Uh it's just so hard and it makes me want to leave. Loneliness hurts and it's eating at me. I can be surrounded by a room full of people though and still be alone. And the result of that is that it isn't real community. Judy had a lot of other great things to say....cuz well she is so great. But that was the gist of the meeting I guess.

So my Knee is Effed up. And it's annoying. It just like gives out when it feels like and I can't do anything. So I was pretty pissed off yesterday. But I got to see Dave and Paula...which was awesome. I Love them. They are so great.

With all that Said...I had Wine last night. I knew I would fail in this...but it's how I react to it. But I only had a couple of glasses and well I just wanted the pain to go away before I went to bed...and that did it. But still....it's hard. Eh...anyways.