Trying to Find a place...

I don't know why I write in this thing. People don't really read it...and I don't care. ha. It just sometimes makes more sense when I write about things here...than the way that I write in my Journal. Because I do write in that all of the time...actually way more than I write on this Blog. I don't know. Eh anyways.

Community...What is that? I see it...and I have experienced it..I am apart of different communities...and I have community. But here is what is on my mind:
I'm a part of a community of people...but I don't want that to be my main community and it is. And it's not a healthy one for me to be in the center of. So I am slowly pulling myself out of it. I no longer participate in the things that they do...and they respect me for it...and they don't judge...well I don't think that they do, but they don't pressure me to do anything that I don't want to do. I Love them....don't get me wrong there. It's just not the type of community I need to be involved in. So I am getting out. But it's Lonely...For sure. Hands down. I can't even lie about that right now. I feel well I don't know if empty is the word..but I feel it in my stomach.
So now you say...well you are out of the community...so Join one...UH! I know I can't do this on my own...and I have been praying about it. But it's so hard. At North Park people are so comfortable within their groups that it is stepping on egg shells to try and get in....if you didn't start there. And maybe that is me being to comfortable just being alone....but really how comfortable is that...Not very. Only for a while. But then it just eats at you....and you fall into something else...something that is not so positive. So going out of my comfort zone and being Awkward with other people...so hard. And like with passing with people it's great... I know alot of people...and I Love alot of people here....but I'm not apart of their group. So in passing like I said is great.
So all of this is just really frustrating I guess. And trying to find my place in all of it just brings me back to myself and well Christ. Which is great. But like P. Judy said....we were created to be with others. Adam needed Eve. So this can only last so long.
I knew it was going to be hard. But it almost feels like a waste of time. I am taking advantage of the people around me....but how am I supposed to get connected with them?