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She is the most convenient for me right now… and she doesn’t think so…but that is okay. I love talking to her. Seeing that she was actually calling me-well I was pretty excited. God is doing great things. And whatever he is doing is beyond what I would think that he would do…or beyond my control…or anything that I can even Imagine.

I could say a lot of things that I think Meghan is…or things that I think that she should….well just things that people realize about other’s that well they can’t seem to notice themselves…ha if that even makes sense…but it does in my mind…Lorie said things about me today that well I don’t think of that I think that I am. But she knows that I am those things…and well that is great. And I guess people need to hear those things. And Maybe that’s what I need to do…Maybe I just need to tell Meghan. But I’m sure she knows.

--The whole deal was really nothing. I still don’t understand what the whole thing was about. Ha. There is my intelligence for ya. All went way over my head. But I don’t have to worry about it. I’m not leaving. And I’m not letting this friendship sit on the back burner like I do all of the others…because well we figured out what my problem was….well you always knew ha…it was just me figuring out that what I do with my friends I do the exact same with you God….and well that was the answer to my question. I knew you wouldn’t hold onto that one forever… I just had to ask…and trust in you. And be honest with myself on how I treat the relationships that I have with people.

--Like I said…she is the most Convenient…and I need to find a new word for that…because that can mean like most convenient being like well she is always there…because well I know that she is not….but that is not what it means in this context at all. But I know what it means…and that is all that really matters.

I’m really at peace right now with all of this….after like being super upset and being super emo and teary and all sensitive and stuff…to not caring…to like hearing that it should be addressed- wondering what the heck are we fighting…because I want to know what it is about…..to well being at peace…and feeling comfort and well I guess Love. But I don’t really know if I feel Love. I think she well I don’t know how to say that.

And as for plans going out the window…well God prolly wants me to do something here…so I have to be fine with that…just a little upset I guess….2 days there and 2 days somewhere else was fine with me….but she thinks things are to complicated….as for her leaving. ha- I’m fine with that 2. People leave. Some come back…some go away forever-that’s alright. But shoot enjoy it while they are around…I guess I see things differently but then again I have been through it so much…Nothing remains constant in my life…besides Faith. And well I know that in all aspects of my life. Emily left. But what we had was an awesome chapter….one of the greatest…she was a senior…and I was a freshman..ha there ya go right there.. I just got to make the most of it while she was around…she was my best friend at the time. I lived at her house for a month in a half. It was one of the best month’s ever (next to work crew of course lol). Then she went to college…and well I was a sophomore in HS. Then well she got married….and I was a sr. in HS. And at the reception when they did the bride and groom dance…then they each went out to grab someone else…well I was the first one she picked…and we got to talk…and we both agree that time of our lives was great…and we would never take them back…now she is married and living in Colorado….who knows when I will ever see her again…but she will always remain in my heart because well I Love her…and she is still Convenient to me….

-So even though you will be gone….but you won’t cuz I will most likely be living across the street…we have to make the most of the time that God allows us to be near each other. My friends that are the most convenient to me well they aren’t close in distance to me anymore….and that is okay. I Love you!

I’m applying to work at Castaway for Session 3 this summer. I have to get away. And well I have changed…and you don’t know this me. This is who I am…this is who I want to be…and this is how I want to represent Christ. I have been so open about the person that I allowed myself to be this past year…and it’s really surprising…I told Lorie today and she was well shocked….and I told SuAnne last week and well she realized she has to hold me more accountable. Lol. But hey I’m fine with that. I know who I am supposed to be….and how well I don’t have potential…that doesn’t make sense to you…but I know what I mean. Working at Castaway is going to be hard. And I’m gonna have to rely on Christ on a different level…and I’m fine with that….I know where my Strength comes from…and that is all that I need…It’s just nice to have people like Meghan in my life who make things that much more enjoyable.

Love- It’s what I am feeling right now. And it is what I want the rest of the world to feel. And it is what I want to show everyone. ‘There is no commandment greater than these.’

*Holy Spirit Reign down on Me*