You Say

So I spent almost 6 hours today in the Library figuring out the exegesis meaning of Psalm 62 for a 7 page paper. I found out while doing my research and coming up with the meanings for different things within the verse and within Book 2 of the Psalms that 7 pages is probs gonna be an easy number to get to. Well I hope at least. I feel like this is gonna be more than 7 pages....but then again I like to make my point and be done.
But doing the exegesis on the Psalm was really cool. Hard/fun...but cool. I'm going to start using the notes that Boaz gave us for the paper for when I am just doing my daily Devos. It's useful...I get a lot of different things and views out of it, and it's more interactive with the Word.
Anyways...it's due Thursday...and because I want to know everything about...and go above and beyond cuz I enjoy it....I am going to be really busy this week. Which leads to my next thing...
--I don't want to allow myself to become to busy for the relationships that I want to invest time into. I have already done this to one already this semester....actually just in prolly the past 2 weeks. And I'm not really involved in anything. I just spend my time....or maybe waste my time in community....or if you can even call that community....with other people. And I'm really sorry about this. I don't want this to slip away. God gives me opportunities...It's my choice on whether I take them or not. So especially this week...and weeks to come when I'm extremely busy with school...I need to prioritize my relationships....I'm shorting those people...and it's not fair for them.
And I haven't even really started YoungLife stuff yet...besides mentally and praying about what should be done...All I'm doing is meeting with my team every other week. But once I start working with Kids and stuff...or planning more....Life gets crazy...
--Learning about what's important everyday--

College Life was prolly one of the best that I have ever been at. Especially after last week. Last week was good for me...but I was more broken then....and just really felt like crap...but good at the same time....Tonight it was just God and I like last week...but I don't know. And P.Judy being completely honest just helps me be honest with myself and others when it comes to the issue.
So Basically I'm a very independent person....and it's a bad thing...I need to rely on others a little more. Which sounds funny...but being too independent is just as bad as being too dependent....there is a good balance between the two...I just have to find that...and ask God to help me be okay with being Uncomfortable in allowing people to help me....or making people feel as if they are needed in my life....That as a 'Body' I need them. Living like this gives others a picture of what community looks like....what REAL healthy community is. I grew up basically taking care of myself...With really no one around to help me. It is all that I really know. My family was like that 2. I pray that God helps me with Community. Maybe all I'm missing is the willingness to allow people to do things for me in my life. Maybe that is the opportunity I am passing up. Maybe the opportunity is the fact that I don't see if people want to hang out...I'm so Independent that I would rather sit and do something by myself than invite someone...cuz in all reality I think that people have better things to do than to hang out with me...But really maybe all they need is for me to be like hey....tomorrow Starbucks? or something. Ashley-Get uncomfortable. And I thought that I was...looks like I'm still a little comfortable.

I have alot of things on my mind...But it's 2am....Time to try and fall asleep....I don't know why...but I haven't been able to sleep well all through the night since wednesday. I get like 2 hours...lay there for 2 hours...and so on. It's probs not healthy...But I don't understand. Maybe I'm stressed...or maybe this Community thing is getting in my head..Or other things that have been going on...But I hope that tonight I can fall asleep when I lay down....Or after a little while....not after laying there for 3 hours....But I'm not really tired now....but I just want some solid sleep...

'Teach me to Love You life I've never Loved before'